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About bullying

Maybe I should've said this a couple of days ago. But it's an issue that won't be past its sell-by date until it's actually fixed.

What I don't get about the whole bullying thing is, why is it still allowed to happen? There's a lot of effort being put into everything but preventing kids from being bullies in the first place. Sure, it's good to tell a bullied kid that it gets better. If that keeps them from killing themselves, that's good. But you can't ever undo the damage from being bullied. The child may become a successful and well-adjusted adult, but he or she will never get back that time spent in fear and self-loathing inflicted by another person.

I never have understood why every teacher, every administrator, every parent just didn't put their foot down and stop kids from bullying other kids. I've heard so many excuses, and so many attempts to shift the responsibility to the bullied kid to get himself out of it. We know bullying happens. There's no reason to believe a bully when he or she tries to lie or prevaricate his/her way out of it. There's no reason not to hammer home the message that bullying is not OK, no matter where you are.

It's all nice to support the kids after the fact, but maybe it would be more help to stop the fucking bullies in the first place.

... yes I know that's not the world we live in, and we have to do what we can. But damn...


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 22nd, 2010 07:01 pm (UTC)
often enough bully kids are just proxies for the adults who would very much like to do the same but can't get away with it
Oct. 27th, 2010 04:34 pm (UTC)
Sadly, that's true. Or there are other problems in the home that are parent-related.
Oct. 22nd, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
Parents accept responsibility for raising their own children? My Johnny would 'NEVER' do anything like that. Well, the other kid started it! In fact, he deserved it!

I thought I send my kids to school to learn! Why should I have to teach them anything?

Teachers and administrators? Long hours spent working for little pay. Parents breathing down their necks. Little brats running around not listening. School boards and governments forcing them to teach nonsense, avoid subjects, or outright lie about facts.

Why should they stick out their necks for individual kids? In a few years, they'll be gone. Just gotta stick it out a few more years to get that pension. Don't rock the boat.

And you mean bullying stops once we leave high school?

Somehow many bullies get out of high school and gravitate towards positions of power and authority, leaving ample opportunities to continue bullying, but in a more evolved manner.

Do what I can? Hmm, I can pay $3 for a purple wristband from HRC. I'm doing my part and be smug about it. Oh, really?

Stop bullying? Depressingly, I don't think it can be done in the current climate. The only way real change can be made in a short time is if there will be a tremendous significant shock that wakes people up. It would take hundreds of Columbines to approach the level necessary for change to even be considered.

Oct. 27th, 2010 04:47 pm (UTC)
The inability of teachers and adminstrators to do anything about bullying (individually or collectively) has long been one of the major disappointments. But what can teachers do when some of THEM get bullied by students? Or at least when their hands are full trying to maintain discipline and maybe sneak some education in. Administrators, meanwhile, seem more interested in making things look smooth and kowtowing to the loud, noisy parents than in supporting their teachers or helping students at risk of being bullied (whose parents may not ever be the loud, noisy ones).

I always thought things got better from college onward, though. It doesn't seem that a lot of bullies go to college or make it through freshman year. But of course not every bullied kid gets to escape by going to college. And I have to admit I might have rose-colored glasses on for this because I've probably been exceptionally fortunate in ending up where I am career-wise. Maybe I just don't know, although I know enough that I don't want to try a job in, say, a factory setting just to find out about 30-40-50 year old bullies.

I hope it doesn't take hundreds of Columbines. I'm wondering if we already have so many mass shootings that we're becoming numb to them.
Oct. 27th, 2010 05:34 pm (UTC)
If you want to watch a movie that takes the bullying trend to an absurd extreme, watch Heathers.

It's from the 80s so, by definition, it's already an absurd parody of whatever it is portraying. But I love it anyway.

I'm fortunate enough, careerwise, that I do not see bullying in the workplace, but I have heard from others who are bullied. It evolves past the simple stuff in high school.

The blue-collar guy I know still regularly deals with rude, crass, boorish behavior from all his coworkers, talking about fags and chicks, nascar, football, guns, all the stereotypical shit one can imagine. If you don't participate in those discussions, they start questioning your manhood. If there's a 'fag' in that group of people, shortly after he gets verbally abused while the supervisors aren't looking, there will be some 'accident' which causes enough financial damage that the guy being bullied will be fired with cause. It's worse than high school in that environment.

Similarly, the white-collar guy I know worked under quite a lot of pressure because his manager had a style where he had his workers produce results by berating his worker's performance, regardless of how good it was, and then pitting his own workers against each other, or against the workers of another manager. All so he can watch from afar and smirk at how he can control people while they make him money.

Bullying in the workplace evolves from the school. Now the bullies figure out how they can force other people to do things through fear. Fear is still the common element in all this. And with the current recession, everyone is even more fearful than before.

At that point, there are no parents to go to, no administrators that will listen to your side. You have to become a whistleblower. You know what happens to whistleblowers? You hear about the legendary ones, the ones that somehow persevere and get their cases heard. Usually their stories get on the news, but their lives are destroyed and rarely is anything done of substance. What happens to the ones you never even hear about? Yeah.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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